We hope that the holidays have come and gone, leaving you no worse for the wear. The New year brings with it many challenges, concerns, but most importantly, HOPE! Hope, that although we will always grieve, the love we shared will eventually overshadow the pain in our hearts as they learn to coexist. The below New Year Resolutions for Bereaved Parents was written by a fellow TCF member, Nancy A. Mower from the Honolulu, Hawaii Chapter.
Here is your Newletter Jan, Feb 2016 newsletter tcf
New Year’s Resolutions For Bereaved Parents
That I will grieve as much, and for as long, as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a timetable on my grief.
That I will grieve in whatever way
I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should
not be behaving.
That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that
I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be “brave” or “getting better” or “healing by now.”
That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can’t deal with their
That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot
possibly know how it feels.
That I will not blame myself for my
child’s death, and that I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done.
But when feelings of guilt are
overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it, too, will pass.
That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary.
That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won’t feel compelled to explain this communion to others or to justify or
even discuss it with them.
That I will try to eat, sleep, and exercise every day in order to give my body the strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.
To know that I am not losing my mind, and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process
To know that I will heal, even though it may take a long time.
To let myself heal and not to feel guilty about feeling better.
To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous – that is, I will not make steady upward progress.
And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that ‘slipping backward” is
also a normal part of the grief process and these moods, too,
To try to be happy about something for some part of every day, knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think cheerful thoughts, so eventually they may become a habit
That I will reach out at times, and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me to get over my depression.
That even though my child is dead, I will opt for life, knowing that is what my child would want me to do.
Nancy A. Mower
TCF – Honolulu, HI